If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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