i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
