i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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