1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
As shirtless as possible
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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