so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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