so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
