My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
