According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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