shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She told me I should be a condom model.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
