I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
