; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize