Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
