A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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