Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
