I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
