somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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