I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think I sprained my soul last night
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
