I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
