Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
