maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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