She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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