Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize