Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize