The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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