I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
