do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You are the jesus of drinking
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
