went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
