I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
