can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Sorry about my life...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
