Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
