Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
