I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
