Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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