70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
