Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize