I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
