nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
