my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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