we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
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