Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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