He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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