Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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