My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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