Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
