it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
