how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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