I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
