So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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