do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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