I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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