i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
