I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
