I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize