Barsexuality is the new black.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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