I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
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