my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
