GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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