think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
