you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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