just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
