I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
