he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
