I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Farmville is her only friend.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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