I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
