I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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