Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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