Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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